Tag Archives: funny mom blog

Beauty and The Beat..and The Beast

I know today is about beauty, but I can’t think of anything except how my brother-in-law used to tell me I had to “ugly” myself up before I went on patrol when I was a police officer.

I remember an incident I was called out to.  It was a dang good thing I looked good that night.  I put my long hair in a quick braid, didn’t take off my make-up and forgot to take my earrings out.  The call was an intoxicated person laying in the middle of my highway.  Another officer had rolled up on him and had dispatch call me to my jurisdiction.

I arrived at the scene to see my town drunk LAYING in the middle of the highway.  I had thought I’d seen everything at this point.  He was argumentative to the other officer as I was walking up to him.

I looked down and he hadn’t looked at me yet and said “Sammy, get up and I’ll take you home.”  He said “If you take me home I’ll kill you.”  WELL THAT’S A ONE WAY TICKET TO JAIL!  So, I told him I was going to take him to jail.

Sammy turns over and looks at me, eyes glazed over and said. “I’ll go anywhere with YOU, just not HIM.”  I said “Well, you’re going to jail for threatening the life of a police officer AND public indecency.”  At this point the other guy turned to LEAVE ME THERE!   I said “WHERE do you think YOU are going?”  He said “Well, it looks like you have things handled.”  I said “I don’t have anything “handled” until he is in cuffs and properly searched and stuffed in MY CAR!”  The other officer was on his way home and found it in his heart to back me up while I commenced to cuff and search Sammy.  What a JERK!  He even called me “little lady”, talk about the “good old boy” mentality.  Sammy on the other hand was pretty calm at this point.

We get to the patrol car and Sammy starts freaking out.  I whipped him around, batted my eyelashes so hard it hurt, and reminded him he was going with me.  Sammy’s eyes glazed again and he got into my car smiling like a kid.  I slammed the door shut and took a deep breath and than told Mr. Honky Pants he could go home now.

I saw Sammy at court about a week later.  He walked up to me and said. “Miss Emalie, I am so sorry for what I said to you.  I don’t remember that night but that’s not an excuse.  I quit drinking.  Can you forgive me?  I would NEVER hurt you.”  I had tears in my eyes.  I said “Of course I forgive you Sammy..just don’t do it again!”

Sammy hugged me.  I let him hug me.  Then he walked off.

Sammy died 3 days later of a heart attack while he slept.  He died peacefully.  Sammy had a long history and even though he doesn’t sound like a REAL bad guy, Sammy tried to kill his mother about 15 years prior to this stop.  He had a history of violence and when he said he was going to kill me I HAD to take him seriously.

Sammy’s mom forgave him and he got a lot of help.

Sometimes stories are funny, than turn into real life REAL quick.  That was the nature of my job, the nature of the beast.

Just another reason to look good, you never know when it might save your life.

EmImage

Funny Cop Story

Since I’ve been such a DRAG lately, I thought I would write about a funny story from when I was on patrol.  Considering the cannabis laws being passed here in WA this fits for the times also.  Too bad for my “bad guy” who wasn’t really “bad” that the laws weren’t passed back then..this is about 10 years ago.

So, I’m sitting with my partner, running radar on our only highway in and out of our town that’s so small even I would speed through, not knowing I just plowed through a town.  That being said we were in the meth capital of the United States at the time, so I forgive myself for “fishing”.  Plus, it was my JOB.  Now, my partner is 6’6″, 220 and I’m 4’11”, about 120 at the time.  The advantage is everyone talked to me and I could see EVERYTHING inside a car..EVERYTHING.

I pull over a vehicle with a tail light out.  No bad driving, just tail light.  I make contact with the driver.  The driver is about 19, actually a cute kid and is smiling ear to ear…hhhmmm.

I tell him that I pulled him over because his tail light is out and can I see his license and registration, proof of insurance.  He STARTS LAUGHING!  I’m like “What the heck is so funny?”  I smell pot, like WEED central.  I ask him “Do you have any pot on you?”  He replies “No.”  His next words were..wait for it..

“You didn’t ask if I had any in the car!”  I say “OOKAAY, Do you have any pot in your car?”

He replies “DANG IT!” like a 5 year old and whips this small bag of weed out of the side pocket of his door and just hands it to me.  I was standing there, mouth agape..then I busted out LAUGHING!!  I said “DUDE, you didn’t HAVE to tell me that, NOW what am I going to do with you?”  He said “I’m going to work, where I push grocery carts around all day..you would be stoned if you had to do that too..”  I thought to myself he was most likely correct and waived my partner who was on the other side of the car to the back.

I told him everything, and my partner is bending over laughing.  I said “I do NOT want to take this kid to jail.  What do we do?”  He said “Let’s make him tear it up.  Like back in the “day.”  I was down for this.

I make contact again, and I’m trying to talk and not giggle at the same time.  I tell the kid.  “Get out of the car.”  His face turns white.  He gets out and I say “I don’t want to ruin your life, and I don’t want YOU to ruin your life..so here, tear this crap up.”  He takes the bag, tears in his eyes and says, “Do you have ANY idea how much this COST me?”  I said “Do you have ANY IDEA how much JAIL COSTS?”  He nodded his head and said “OOOHH, dude, YEAH..OK, here I go.”

He proceeds to tear up the pot pieces and throws them on the ground.  He gets to the stem, a long hard stem and can’t tear it up.  He looks at me and starts panicking, the first pot smoker I’ve ever seen panic, and says “I can’t tear it up man, what do I do?”  I just laughed, grabbed it, threw it on the ground and squished it into the rocks with my boot.  He said.  “DUDE..why didn’t I think of that?”  I said “Because you are obviously stoned, my friend.”

I made him do the field sobriety tests which he PASSED with flying colors.  So I let him go.

I saw him at the store he worked at 2 months later.  I was shopping.  He was working in the electronics department.  He ran up to me and gave me a HUGE hug out of nowhere.  He thanked me and grabbed his manager.  The manager shook my hand and said because of the way I treated him he got his crap together.  They all liked him and could see potential, he was just always baked.

So, long story short, not everyone was a bad guy.  Loved that kid.  Hope he’s good.

EmImage

Hey Everyone..$hi% Happens To All of Us!

FINALLY!  I am home!

There really is no place like home.  As some of you may know I have been living at my sister’s house, taking care of their house and children while her husband, my brother in law, Mike, kick’s cancer’s ASS!  I am not being crude, I am just fighting like a girl!  I am so tired of those commercials with the piano music..PUH-LEASE!  This is a battle for life and like all battles you need to be a real warrior to WIN!  No second place allowed.

As I was saying before my tirade, I am loving looking at the Puget Sound from my house.  All of my windows face North, I know, the water is West, but our inlet comes way in to the North.  Believe me I was totally turned around in this house for a few weeks when I first moved in.

The pictures of Mt. Rainier are from my sister’s house, my view is of the water and Seattle on top of the hills.  I am going to try to find a pic that I took of a building, it WAS named the Bank of America Tower, now I have no idea what it’s called, anyways. sometimes when the sun sets, it hits this tower made of glass and it looks like a pillar of fire!  It is the tallest building in Seattle and it makes for a wonderful show.  Well, my daughter saw it once when the sun was hitting it and thought a bomb went off..that wasn’t too funny until I told her what it was.  She said “I was waiting for a mushroom cloud”..jeez..I told her I was happy she was so observant, but maybe needed to lighten up a bit?..Ya think?

I go back to my sister’s on Sunday or Monday.  Not sure which.  Either way I am in two houses full of love and we will beat ANYTHING that comes at us!  I am in full warrior ex-cop, take no prisoners, mode!  Don’t worry..I take the hat off sometimes.  Like yesterday!

I went to my beach yesterday..combing through the sand, finding agates and gem stones.  Then, I smell something..OMG..I stuck my hand in a pile of dog poop someone had covered up with sand.  My serenity flew RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW!  DANG!  I was so pissed off at first I was scanning the beach looking for any dog owner.  Good thing there was nobody there.  I went into Salty’s the restaurant that is right there and washed my hands..then I laughed HARD!

I know my attitude was as crappy as what I stuck my hand in.  It was the Universe’s way of telling ME to lighten up.  My grandpa used to say, “If you stir enough shit, it’s going to get on you.” 

Well, I didn’t stir any up, but I needed a wake-up call to be happy and just be glad I am healthy and alive.

The pic in my post is of the building..it’s not a great pic, but you get the idea.  The one of the pink sunset is the same area/direction, the building would be off to the left if you could see it.  That pink sunset was on the news.  fire building

Take Care All!  I miss you MJ!

Em