How The Hell Am I Supposed To Do THIS?!

It’s been about 4 years since the “remodel” of our house started.  It quickly became a complete tear up, or down, and has now reached the point where I can see a pinprick of light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

I am having a party on Saturday.  My daughter turned 15 this week, and well this IS her house, so finally her birthday will be here come hell or high water.  OK, I probably shouldn’t have said high water since we are having a day of monsoon like storms.

We started the clean up last week.  It started slow with me staring and blinking so hard you could probably hear it.  I then cried numerous times while picking things up in a room that we used to put EVERYTHING in.  Every time I picked something up a creepy crawly thing would appear, or some kind of gross event.  Gross enough to make me gag or just think to myself that I can’t believe this part of the house is so freaking disgusting.

I am so ashamed of myself.  I cannot believe it got to this point.  I was not raised like this and neither was my husband.  He apologized saying he was a hoarder, I apologized for just not doing anything about it.  We are both at fault here.  At least we intervened on our own, that’s the bright side.  Working together at first was really tense.  Then something really cool happened.  We started working TOGETHER!  Laughing and giggling til tears streamed down our faces.  The accomplishments at the end of each day gave us a sense of purpose and has brought us closer.

Finally true pride in my home has hit me.  I know what happened.

As a child and into adolescence I grew up pretty rough.  I would say poor at times, other times just scraping by.  My mom used to take us to the area that I live now and talk about living here someday, or we would just looked at the houses and dream.  My mom would take us down to the beach that I now look at every day and say that we could live like this if we worked hard with our minds, not our hands.

So here I am.  I have arrived.  I used to feel like this was not permanent.  I don’t know why.  I would look around and think “Take it in, because it will be taken from you.”  I have no idea why I would think like that.  It was almost like I never let this truly feel like my home.  Well damn it!  IT’S MINE! FINALLY!

My daughter deserves a house that isn’t sheet rock and plywood floors anymore.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a dump by any means, it has just been neglected in some areas while fixing the others.  FIXING, like putting it back together.

2 days to go.  Still need to pressure wash, get 7 or 8 ladders out of the living room/entry way, clean up tools such as tubs of mud and trowels.  Vacuum up the dust from sanding the walls.

Now that I have actually written this I know exactly how to do this!

I am truly grateful for all that I have.  I am even more grateful for throwing a lot of stuff out!  Simple is really easier.  No clutter, both in my house and mind.

This is not the hardest I have ever worked, but something was so hard about it.  Letting go of the guilt now and cleaning this shit up.  Time to knock it off and take control of my life.

Em

Ignorance Is Bliss..or Should I Say WAS Bliss?

We are remodeling our house.  They say if your marriage can survive a remodel, it can survive anything. Whoever said that was right.

This “remodel” was supposed to just be an update to the living room and some electrical work.  FIVE years later it is a complete tear down, not even close to what the definition of remodel is.  Not only is the living room completely re-wired, re-insulated, sheet rocked and now needs a floor, the entire house needed to be re-wired, we need a giant glass block window in the entry, a closet, did I say FLOORS? 

Now I know this sounds bad, but most of the house is finished.  I finally have a date, JUNE!  My husband said the house would be done by June.  Needless to say I won’t hold my breath.

The reason I think sheer ignorance is bliss and is saving my marriage is because I have never lived in a “finished” house for very long.  Everyone asks “How do you do it?” “Why aren’t you guys arguing?” or the ever so popular “You need to tell him to finish that crap NOW.”..yeah cause’ that would totally work.  I just don’t know any different..

UNTIL NOW!  I have been living at my sister’s house during the week to take care of her house and kids while my brother-in-law gets a stem cell transplant.  This house is AWESOME!  I actually love being here.  I’m warm, everything has it’s place, it’s easy to cook and oh yeah, THERE ARE ACTUAL FLOORS!!  OMG, the carpet is amazing..the wood floors are warm and sooo pretty..and OMG AGAIN, I’m no longer ignorant. 

Will I be able to make the transition BACK?  Of course.  I can handle it, have been anyways.  My husband is a wonderful person and very loving.  He’s just a perfectionist..so everything has to be PERFECT..really it just needs to get done.  At this point I don’t care if the walls are crooked, I just want it done.

I won’t say that though.  I’ll stay my course, pretend to be ignorant to the finer things in life, like, oh I don’t know, HEAT.  We have heat, it’s just escaping out of a “few” places that need “some work”.  Yes, we have all of the permits required.  Seriously, with my luck I would have been nailed a long time ago.  So we make sure to have everything checked out.  Like having an actual electrician wire the house.  That’s always a good call.

To anyone who may be in my shoes, know that your loved one just wants to do it right.  They want the best for their family..even if that means taking forever so it’s done right the first time.  If that doesn’t help then just do what I do, play dumb.  I have always felt lucky just to have a house to remodel and luckier to have a husband who cares.

I know I am loved because I have plywood floors..aaahh..the power of ignorance.

Em

How To Save A Life

This always makes me laugh..need laughter

This has been a good week, a rough week. Never thought those two words would fit in one sentence.

I have had my hands full, to say the least. I have two households to take care of, 3 kids now, 3 dogs, and myself.

I guess my Grandma picked the perfect time to die. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, believe me she was one of the most important people in my life. I held her hand and helped her go on her next journey. What I mean is my brother-in-law, Mike and my sister are in Seattle because Mike is getting a stem cell transplant. I would have had to take care of EVERYONE…including my Grandma. Bless her heart..no I’m not being sarcastic.

I picked this picture because I miss my daughter like crazy and she usually uses this as her background on her computer. I get to pick her up from school today. Mike and my sister get to come home until Sunday night. I’ll be back here then.

The house is nice, not under major remodel like my own. I actually enjoy cleaning a house that is put together, literally.

I haven’t had any time to sit and write. I miss this. My nephew is starting lacrosse, so I will be taking him to practices/games. Our houses are about 17 miles apart. Here that means in good traffic about 30 minutes, bad traffic about an hour and a half, seriously.

I need energy, hope and laughter. I hope I can keep this up. It may stretch into the summer. I guess I know what it’s like to have more than one kid now!! Except two households are a bit much. I hope it’s clean when I get to my house..or at least some sheet rock has been hung..a floor would be good..some insulation..I’ll stop now.

Take Care All!! Send me some good thoughts! Trying to SAVE a life..that song makes me cry now.

Em